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chapter eight: playing house
we imagined a perfect life
we thought of ten years i remember ten of pentacles it felt like ten minutes left and waiting for ten months we’re back west always made from the heart bottled my tears for something like this so when the day is done and the lights are off i’m seeing us with the record spinning dancing around your arm around me catching my breath when i realize this was it to live and love with you so the night arrives and every moment is gold til the sun rises and every wish came true our morning routine and the light hits you perfectly we're soaked in the sun for another day full of energy we’re back to life and living for the film at every action you’re right there with me an embodiment of my dreams the world in our hands and lucky that you want this just as much as me
enter the scene
tell me what you see a house? a pool? a diner? tell me what you hear laughter? music? silence? tell me what you feel calm? excited? dreamy? it’s enough when you ask again how i’m doing always good when you know i lie i craved being special in that room when your words catch me off guard i hoped i would be normal on that street when you walk to me into a hug that never lasts my looks might not be enough to communicate without words my eyes may betray me for studying your movement the moon’s the only light my heart’s the only spark we’re surrounded by windows yet there’s no opportunity
my love with you
is like playing house in an apartment
music not right for this time
love too big for this life
and yet
it keeps playing
keep me balanced
when the tides turn universe let me know it’s an eclipse season aligned with twenty one years i’ve seen the sun pass me by still it’s two minutes to midnight from the friday the 13th that always asked too much from me horrified of loneliness yet i take my risks wearing the same clothes stained with blood the past can’t possibly be the past you know i fuck it up at The Party just as much as i know you can’t lose this eclipse week the sun’s passing us quickly so take that opportunity to let it all go be free with it i’m ready to free-fall into liquid courage that isn’t liquid at all don’t leave the blood on my hands if only for another blood pact my heart’s racing i always let the sun take the reins my mind’s spinning at a chance running through the rain just to end up at your doorstep
crossing paths
you let it simmer on the stove i let the window stay open the vinyl spins and it would start to pour you would drink wine and the timer goes off we’re at the window watching the rain and the clouds body heat aflame this small apartment it’s just one night we promised and here our paths crossed the smell of your sweater the flickering candle the wine stained lips and that look in your eyes i always wanted this you promised only once i promised that night we talked of many dreams layer by layer i came closer to you perfectly painted above the mantle it rests upon our dreams nothing set in stone i’ll take my time when the sun rises again i’ll be tangled when we fall into sheets i’ll be all yours when we cross paths next
for one good hello good morning beautiful
should i see myself there? it’s distant like how he painted but never said i was beautiful perhaps it would be you standing in the kitchen wishing i could face the truth wishing you could tell me now here it’s morning finding sunlight a new day feeling the empty space in which i can’t pinpoint you here you say i’m beautiful but it’s hazy like a dream it’s written like a book it’s moving like a movie it’s one step forward into territory i can’t understand i don’t want it any less i would wake and you could draw it’s full of grace dancing on air breathing any chance to love you water it and wait for blossom season this morning you told me i was beautiful
next time
another try when i’m waiting for you next kiss another opportunity when i know it’s made for you i sat across from you that one late night hoping it wouldn’t be the last time you touched me i walked through church with you on a cold winter day and you told me to believe in aliens i saw it when you laid out in the sand sleepy with peach-stained lips a lit cigarette between them when i brushed off the idea of loving you on busy summer days it’s just become another day waiting to tell you exactly how it fell together