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book lovers by emily henry
chapter nine
my favorite book
twenties

i never liked its fleeting

slipping between my fingers

one look and you’re gone

and this change in genre

is maybe not what i’m meant for

 

i’m reaching for what’s not in front of me

i’m wanting a life not present

and i get so few tries

to hold it close

and let it love me back

 

it’s so hard loving so few

it’s always a weight to my chest

i was never meant to say goodbye

even while you’ve been long gone

you’re my person through and through

and my heart always longs for us again

simply wanting to love you

i missed karaoke nights and weekends at the cabin i missed high school rebellion and postgrad reunions now my days are sweet like the apples and peaches the sand sticks to alcohol like my house keys on sandy beaches it wasn’t long ago you said there wasn’t a time to be vulnerable in the same kitchen i fantasized about you calling me beautiful my heart found all the things i missed when it started listening to you

i lost my love letter

a picture-esque window

watching two lovers part ways

i wait til one looks back

they don’t

i was writing about a story

for someone who couldn’t love me

we parted ways and didn’t look back

then i found you in my path

 

lucky me

loving you like a distant painting

there's little pockets of light

between the trees, lining the street

where i've walked day and night

​

i see the water spraying

illuminated by july's sun

tiny figures laying on the grass

talking about things i don't understand

​

my mind paints the picture

i've looked at you just like that

more times than i can count

even when you sat close

and everything you say makes sense

i fall away

​

i want to grab it

it's just me moving through time

alongside you

​

where our clocks finally sync then you go

one step at a time

one second of a window

it becomes distant

​

and keep it forever

or i do

moving on even against your wishes

the two clocks

starting the same

those who found each other

and loved so graciously

the two lovers

fell to fear and distance

while my heart grows indefinitely fonder

the clock knows me better

thinking there's a chance

we'd find each other again

but there's no amount of calculation

to be in sync again

just the stars and fate

my miracle

one day a week the weather is a miracle

the sun peaking from the clouds

the light scattering on the sidewalk

i'm watching life through a frame

orchestrating the one thing i've always hoped for

life keeps going

i'll keep shooting

even when it wears down my shoulders

and i feel the burden of the mastermind

it's a miracle

i haven't screwed it up

one step

one touch

at a time

at a time

i'd let my snide remarks hit your heart

before my words of affirmation reach it first

loving you would fix it all

and yet it's selfish and cruel like our heroes

it's a nasty game we can't escape but

i stopped looking for a way out a long time ago

right here: i like you

everything i lost is contained in that body of yours

you made me hopeful on days

i was made hopeless

right now: i like myself

you were all i loved

and all i wished i was

the weight to it

to you and i and all these words i’m writing because i’m choosing the words i’m too afraid to use ones that carry so much weight i’d never deserve to use them in its entirety and honesty to say things like i love you and please don’t leave me behind or you are always the reason this keeps falling apart short gateways into real life destruction and now i have no more time to fight it like the tower and the stars so i’ll keep thinking what i think and believe in what i believe and propel them far away and somewhere safe where those seeds can plant beautiful lives and memories and stories be a gift for something else be a guide for someone like me and you

for myself

i gave myself a better life i brought the sun down and lit the end of the tunnel i’ll do anything for a story i’ll do anything for a chance it was the big blur of light that kept me steady i walked and i lied i fell and i loved i knew it so easily like the stoicism of my eyes the pain in which i familiarized it was the weight of loss and the loss of the girl i hoped to be i turned away from my mirror i let my soul get swept away i grew with the knife to my heart i loved living and i know the next life will be something greater i loved you endlessly like running down towards the light i sang it quietly hoping the other universe heard my calling you’ll love me over there because i’ll finally be the girl i always hoped for

to remember a memory

i wrote it down to remember it and you got it like party tricks when time flies and you still remember you know it without written words i remember how you wanted the same fairytale all for yourself and i see you now being the missing piece to my fairytale you remember the lights you remember the flirtation that never fit our story perhaps you forgot your body falling into mine it was just a misstep i remember that i'm missing you i'm remembering a memory a memory i love a memory i must return to one last time save me here and i won't forget

chapter eight
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