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spanish love deception by elena armas
chapter three
i'd live
love & attention

there’s me and you in a crowded circle playing house in an apartment at The Party it’s too late there’s pictures of us my face lying to yours my eyes watching your mouth watch your mouth before i call you an attention whore you said it before me watch your words when you say you like all positions this is now an awkward position i’m left out don’t leave your phone out watch out for other lonely cool girls who love an attention-seeking boy watch me wait for a boy with wandering eyes who never wonders about me it’s you and me wanting love not attention attention but not a lover pay attention and look closer for when i owe you for tonight’s inconsistencies and last year’s argument you love the attention i figured you hated i’ll always be attentive to any way you accept my love don’t look at me just love me

can i see you now?

i’ll be careful with you in the dark the small light illuminating the outline of your shoulders your worn jeans rough against the quilt i wouldn’t choose you to wear that hat but it will do and create some fantasy the fantasy of the wild and reckless while i’ll have delicate hands dancing up your arms i take your hat off trying to distract you from my legs around yours your ripped jeans grow tougher and tougher my arms caressing the sunburnt skin i want to bite it make it sting but i’ll be careful with you i can make your lips bleed red and raw your hands tight and needy i would illuminate the ceiling of stars let it wash over your eyes this last time you can be gentle with me as long as i’m furious for you

lunar eclipse

i’m hungry only for you i lost the location i lost your love somewhere along the way i can’t let myself be undesirable to you i destroyed the clearing sometimes looking at the trail i left behind i burned down my past in moon cycles i’m left looking like a monster left to forge for myself but i can’t forget the way the fire reflected in your eyes a burning gaze so desirable i’m left feigning for love

cabin games

don’t worry this isn’t real but i’ve thought of us on that trip a cabin during winter break having fun and playing games so when it was time for seven minutes my heart would drop the temperature rising and tension building is this what it’s supposed to feel like? i’d pray for a miracle so the bottle stops at you to step inside and alone i might laugh, so you should too knowing this is all so stupid to hide it all from you and believe in a miracle we could be logical we could not say a word we could find a distraction or we could bask in the tension pulling me to you i would find the courage to speak falling closer to the edge of my death maybe ask about your first kiss for me to admit i had never kissed anyone i actually liked the time would soak up the energy and i’d leave with the last word you would be the first

the dance in a dark room

i’m always in dark rooms not really alone when you’re on my mind it slips and i let it a soft glow creeps in the sound of speaker pulsates and the song of us echoes it’s music made for dark rooms when you step in you see the silhouette i’d stretch up and out reaching for you is it hot in this dark room? it’s dark but i see stars i like it when you close the space it gets darker and hotter and i don’t feel anything but a dream enticingly gentle it beckons my body up and over and by your spell i see it all now even in the dark

would you disagree with the poets

i don’t want this chase i don’t want to see the day i’m choosing someone else so you follow my shadow look at me lovingly call me beautiful it’s just too late i said i would wait and then you never showed up you were afraid i’d leave but you did instead i am silently and furiously in love with you it takes every muscle in my body it’s still muscle memory and yet i still lie through my teeth when i say i never saw a future with love because if you’d be there it would be love the blood pact days and borrowed bracelets i would never let it go after all this time you wished me one thing peace still, i can never find it when you’re gone and my life flees it’s out of my hands when you leave me be i want peace and poetry never a life of silence and fury just a record spinning in your arms when i fall alsleep

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